How Indo-Centric Movies Ruined My Life

There’s a particular trend that I’ve been noticing in the last few years. American Cinema seems to be obsessed with making movies about India and the zany antics of British or American folks when they head over there. This started with the film “Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom” and of course, “Slumdog Millionaire”. These films have slowly but surely started to ruin my life!

I’m not a fan of the Indian Centric Films because it leads to innane questions that I have to pretend are valid because we all went through the public school system that says “There are no stupid questions.” Yes there are, “You eatin’ Monkey Brains?” is a dumb question when I’m clearly eat slice of pizza.

Screaming “KALI MA!” in my face is not only rude but horrifically frightening, especially when its at 8 am on a bus going to school. I don’t’ think Americans understand who Kali Ma is; she’s the goddess of Time & Change and she’ll probably kill you. So to an 8 year who just got around to watching that movie and really explained who Kali is, it’ll leave some psychological damage.

Don’t tell me you’re going to give me $50 if I answer 3 trivial questions. And then when I get them right you don’t give me the money! He got the money at the end of the movie! If you’re such a big cinema fan you’ll give me the $50 as promised; when you don’t it makes you a bad person and a bad businessman, but a great extortionist. This also causes me to abandonment issues with money and maybe be attributed to the reason why I get very emotional every time I have to break a 50. It has nothing to do my people being the cheapest on the planet (#takethatChina).

These films have caused a lot anguish in my life. In the continuing trend of these things is “The Exotic Marigold Hotel” which may or may not have given rise to Indians owning basically every hotel franchise in the U.S. This film made everyone ask me if I could get them a discount on hotels around the city. These franchises aren’t run by some kind underground Indian Mafia; they are respectable businessmen who don’t any shady or wr…I wonder if the Mafia has control over this? It would make sense that the Indian Mafia would fund a movie about hotel that old Brits go to only get Americans to stay at more Days Inns.

The last of these films is Life of Pi. This film does have a lot of really great things about it; Boats, Tigers, Long Sticks, more Boats. What can’t you love about this right? I have a grudge about this movie not because of its philosophical quandaries but the fact that promises me a lifetime of Pie and throughout the film there’s not even one pie!

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