Goddammit Florida

Recently, a man in South Miami, killed his wife and posted a photo of her body on Facebook, confessing his sins. This is adding to the insanity that keeps pouring out of Florida. Why, Florida, Why? There has to be something in the air. Maybe it has something to do with the overwhelming number of elderly people in the area. Perhaps when you get that many cotton-tops in one area, there is a chemical released into the air that causes people to go into fits of senility and then violence, much like old people do.

But this is perturbing for various reasons. For one, what would drive a man to put a photo of his wife’s dead body on Social Media! I’m fairly certain that goes against all the codes of being a serial killer or murderer. I’m also fairly certain that if Jeffery Dahmer was alive today he would take photos of his victims on plates and put a sepia filter on it and write the caption “What sort of dressing is he?

There is a solution to save the wang of America. We move the old people Cuba, where their Senility Chemical attack will probably not affect anyone, since people in Cuba don’t seem to age. Then in a few years, Florida will be just as normal as the rest of the country…which…works, I guess. Or we can quarantine the whole state like the film 28 Days Later and we don’t have to deal with record number of people that should be instituted.

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